Lessons from a Family Crisis

by Danielle Woods

If you ask most people why they haven't updated their estate plan—or why they don't have one at all—the answer is often: "I'm not rich enough to worry about that yet."

There is a common misconception that estate planning is exclusively for the ultra-wealthy, a strategy reserved for people trying to hide millions from the government. But at Propel, we view it differently. We know that estate planning isn't just about tax avoidance; it is about love. It is about making sure that in your family's hardest moments, they aren't fighting with a bank, a court system, or each other.

We know this because we have lived it.

A Personal Lesson in Logistics

My approach to financial planning was shaped heavily by a personal tragedy. My mother passed away suddenly from ALS at just 61 years old. It was a devastating, emotional time for ourfamily.

But because she had followed my advice—keeping her estate documents updated, her beneficiaries clear, and her wishes explicit—our family was able to grieve without chaos.

There were no frozen bank accounts. There was no scrambling to find passwords. There were no arguments about "what Mom would have wanted."

In contrast, we have seen what happens when those documents don't exist. We have seen families legally locked out of accounts while bills pile up. We have seen siblings stop speaking to one another because of vague instructions regarding a house or a collection.

When a crisis hits, you want your family to focus on each other, not on paperwork. That is why we plan.

The "Death Tax" Myth vs. Reality

One reason people put this off is that they are waiting until they hit a "magic number" where estate taxes kick in. If that is your strategy, you might be waiting a long time.

In 2026, the federal Lifetime Estate and Gift Tax Exemption is $15,000,000 per person.

This means a married couple can pass $30 million to their heirs without paying a single dollar in federal estate tax. For the vast majority of families—even the high-earning professionals and successful retirees we work with—federal estate taxes are simply not a concern.

However, that doesn't mean your estate is simple. In fact, relying on the "tax number" to decide when to plan is a mistake. You aren't planning for the IRS; you are planning for the logistics of your life.

The Real Challenge: Fairness vs. Equality

Let's look at a hypothetical scenario involving a client we'll call Adrian.

Adrian is a retired professional. Her home is paid off, she has no debt, and she has built a comfortable nest egg. She isn't worried about the $15 million tax limit. She is worried about her family dynamics.

Adrian has two adult children. One is a high-earning executive; the other is a teacher who has struggled with health issues. Adrian constantly asks herself: "How do I maintain fairness between my kids?".

If she splits everything 50/50 (equality), the high-earner gets money they don't strictly need, while the teacher might struggle. But if she leaves more to the teacher, will the other sibling feel slighted or unloved?

These are the questions that keep Adrian up at night. She worries if her children will make good choices with her money and what will happen if one of them divorce or pass away young.

A good estate plan addresses these emotional complexities. For Adrian, the solution might not be a simple will. It might be a Trust that provides different distribution rules for each child—ensuring the teacher has support for health needs while the executive receives a different type of legacy.

Without a plan, the state's default laws take over, which usually mandate a strict 50/50 split regardless of need or nuance. By planning, Adrian gets to define what "fair" means for her family.

It's Not Just About Dying: What if You are Incapacitated?

Estate planning is also a misnomer because much of it is about living.

If you were to get into an accident tomorrow and end up in a hospital unable to speak for yourself, who makes your medical decisions? Who pays your mortgage?

If you haven't named a Durable Power of Attorney (for finances) or a Health Care Power of Attorney(for medical decisions), your spouse, children, or parents do not automatically have the right to manage your affairs. They might have to go to court to get conservatorship over you—a public, expensive, and humiliating process—just to pay your bills.

Whether you are a young couple with little kidsor a retiree like Adrian, these documents are yours and your family's safety net.

What You Need to Review Now

If you haven't looked at your estate plan in a few years, or if you don't have one, here is a checklist to consider before the year ends:

Beneficiary Designations: Check your 401(k)s, IRAs, Roth IRAs, bank accounts, and life insurance. These designations override your Will. If your ex-spouse is still listed on your IRA, they get the money, no matter what your new Will says.

Guardianship: If you have minor children, have you legally named who would raise them? If not, a judge who doesn't know you will decide.

The "Digital" Estate: Does your executor know how to access your digital life?

The 10-Year Rule: Under current laws, most non-spouse heirs must empty an inherited IRA within 10 years. Have you considered the tax impact that will have on your children during their peak earning years?

Watch: Purge Your Phantom Beneficiaries

One of the most frequent mistakes we see in estate planning isn't a complex legal error—it's outdated information. In this video, we discuss why checking your beneficiary designations is an essential financial move that can prevent unexpected surprises for your loved ones.

We Can Help You Facilitate These Conversations

We know these aren't fun topics. Nobody wants to talk about their own mortality or worry about their children fighting. But at Propel, we reassure our clients regularly that they are doing great just by asking these questions.

While some of us at Propel are attorneys, we don't specialize in drafting the documents. We will help you coordinate with appropriate legal counsel and act as the architect of the plan. We help you map out your wishes, understand the numbers, and facilitate the conversation with your estate attorney to make sure the legal documents reflect your actual goals and values.

If you are worried about your family's future or just want to make sure your plan is up- to-date, let's talk. You don't have to carry that worry alone.